


Soba Noodles

by swbooker



Series: Could Have [3]
Category: Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: Dorks in Love, Love Confessions, M/M, Realisation, Soba Noodles, Texting, text!fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-25
Updated: 2015-10-25
Packaged: 2018-04-28 03:17:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,782
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5075746
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/swbooker/pseuds/swbooker
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Whenever Edward has something difficult to say, he'll text Roy. And he'll use ridiculous noodle analogies to boot. (Love confession/realisation)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Soba Noodles

**Author's Note:**

> This is just a quick little oneshot that didn't take a lot of time to put together. I haven't been able to proof-read it but I hope you enjoy it!

Soba Noodles  
'How it Could Have Happened'

[3.04am] somethings happened

[3.11am]  _Edward, I must ask: before your mother died, did she teach you how to read the time? In case the answer is no, that funny little squiggly shape (3) is a three. The following letters 'AM' mean 'ante meridiem', which is Latin for 'before midday'. In other words, all the sane people in the world, myself included, are asleep at this time. It is therefore impolite to text them._

[3.13am] youre a fucking bastard, i don't care how late it is or how far the stick up your ass has breached - bringing mum into this is fucking low

[3.13am]  _You're right. I'm sorry._

[3.14am] Whatever

[3.14am] also, if you were asleep you wouldn't be able to send me a text

[3.15am] not that you'd sleep anyway according to your own logic because youre NOT SANE

[3.17am]  _Says the man who texted me first and woke me up. Did you text Miss. Rockbell every night when you were with her? No wonder your relationship didn't last._

[3.18am] fucking hell, STOP BEING AN ASSHOLE for 2 fucking seconds! i'm tryna tell you something

[3.20am]  _Then why didn't you simply say so?_

[3.23am] did you goddamn read the first message?

[3.24am] _...Now I've read it. I was too grumpy to read it before. So, something's happened, has it? What is it?_

[3.26am] uh, well

[3.28am] never mind

[3.28am]  _What? Oh, come now, Edward. You woke me up for this. Don't get cold feet now._

[3.29am] It doesnt matter any more

[3.30am]  _Oh, something's miraculously changed in the past 26 minutes, has it? Unlikely. Do share, Edward, you've piqued my interest._

[3.34am]  _Edward?_

[3.37am]  _So, you're ignoring me, are you? The Fullmetal Alchemist - who stared The Truth in the face, became the youngest State Alchemist in history and obliterated Father - is ignoring the man he refers to as 'Bastard'? Pity._

[3.39am] DONT CALL ME A COWARD. it just doesn't matter any more, all right?

[3.39am] _I doubt that very much. Why not humour me?_

[3.41am] because I don't WANT to humour you

[3.42am]  _I see. Was it the mother comment? I am sorry about that. I was grumpy, as I said. I haven't been sleeping well._

[3.43am] what the fuck do you think I'm made of? glass? it's not anything you've said, i just dont want to tell you any more. Why havent you been sleeping well?

[3.45am]  _Oh, you know how it is. My adoring fans love to message me in the middle of the night._

[3.46am] har bloody fucking har

[3.47am]  _In truth, I've been having a few vivid dreams of late. Now, are you willing to share?_

[3.48am] No.

[3.49am]  _What is it that Alphonse always says? Ah, yes: sharing is caring._

[3.50am] i'm not al, and he only says that about objects, not this sort of shit

[3.52am]  _So, it's still a problem, is it? Excellent. Then you can tell me and I can help you solve it._

[3.52am] BASTARD

[3.53am] _Edward._

[3.54am] look, i dont want to fucking tell you any more. Al said something that had me thinking that's all

[3.55am]  _Look, Edward, you know that I am not a man to mince words..._

[3.55am] youre a goddamn politician. all you do is lie and mince words

[3.56am]  _Not true. Sometimes I exaggerate instead of mincing but that's not the point. Outside of my occupation, I am not one to mince words, so believe me when I say that I am genuinely concerned that you have texted me in the middle of the night only to retract your wish to speak to me minutes afterwards, and did not employ a dirty joke to brush the matter aside. I wish to know what it is that's bothering you, Edward, that's all. I want to help._

[3.58am] Its not something you can help with

[3.59am] just forget it

[4.01am]  _Don't ignore me again. It is too early in the morning to burn hours beating around the bush, Edward._

[4.02am]  _Although, I will say that I am not as ignorant as you think, and that I believe I already know what you are trying to say._

[4.04am] you... know?

[4.05am]  _Perhaps. Does it involve at certain person?_

[4.05am] person? who the fuck are you talking about?

[4.06am]  _Ah. I see that I'm incorrect, then. It's not a feeling I'm familiar with... I'm not sure I like it much._

[4.08am] you are such an arrogant fuck

[4.09am]  _Your eloquence could impress even the Fuhrer, I have to say. Now, what is it that /you/ have to say?_

[4.12am] its only that

[4.13am] you see

[4.14am] well... you've slept with a lotta women, havent you?

[4.15am]  _I'm uncertain why I need to disclose something so personal but for the progression of this conversation I will answer that yes, I have._

[4.16am] right. and how did you know that you wanted to?

[4.17am]  _How did I know that I wanted to have sex? Surely that is not something I have to explain? Perhaps you should be more specific. What was it that Al said that incurred this questioning upon me?_

[4.18am] he said somethin bout me getting a boyfriend.

[4.20am]  _He said /what?/_

[4.21am] yeah thats what i thought: its weird right? he said that its a shame things didnt work out with Winry but that he was excited to see what kinda boyfriend i'd get, and then he said he already had an idea who I'd go for

[4.22am] _I think I'm beginning to understand. You're asking how I knew that I wanted to sleep with woman, and not men, in order for you to check whether you're gay?_

[4.23am] spose so, yeah

[4.23am]  _Then I am afraid I can't help you. Ask somebody else._

[4.24am] WTF?! I always KNEW you hated me, and this just fuckin proves it! you never wanted to help me get al's body back, did you, you only wanted me as your pet military monkey to fucking order round. well then FUCK YOU

[4.25am]  _Don't be so dramatic, Edward. Of course I care. I only mean that I can't tell you because I am attracted to both of the sexes. I cannot distinguish that attraction; I only know that men and women interest me both._

[4.31am]  _Edward?_

[4.34am] sorry. fuck. just... well then, how did you know you liked men?

[4.34am]  _I fancied a man, of course. A subordinate of mine. I got over it quickly by having a fling with a different man, having realised my attraction to them, and so it goes that I have dated both men and women since. It is not common knowledge, however. I imagine you too will realise your partiality towards the male kind in the same way - indeed, Alphonse seems to think you are attracted to someone already._

[4.35am] huh?

[4.36am]  _He said he "already has an idea who you will go for". Surely that means you are attracted to someone without realising it but that it is obvious to someone like Alphonse, who is an outsider and someone very close to you?_

[4.37am] i guess so but I don't fancy anyone

[4.37am] what complete shit, how could he think that? who could he mean?

[4.37am] wait

[4.38am] oh shit

[4.39am] i need to talk to him about this

[4.40am]  _...I see. Tell me how it turns out._

[4.40am]  _And who it is that takes your attentions._

[4.40am] later asshole

* * *

[4.43am] " **FOUR MISSED CALLS FROM EDWARD ELRIC AT 4:41AM THIS MORNING."**

[4.43am]  **Only two minutes ago was I awoken by your incessant calling and then sent that automated text message. If this is regarding your idea to make a moat around your house, I don't want to hear about it at this time (AGAIN).** **  
**

[4.45am]  **Why'd you always ring me at obscene times in regards to your insane ideas, Brother? Can it not wait until I see you at work?**

[4.46am] NO IT CANT WAIT YOU MOTHERFUCKER

[4.46am] THIS IS YOUR FAULT

[4.47am]  **A refreshing change, considering you are almost always to blame for any disasters that have lately arisen in your life.**

[4.48am]  **Your social life is pitiful for a twenty-one-year-old, by the by.**

[4.49am] NO

[4.49am]  **Oh yes, I perfectly understand what "NO" means, Brother.**

[4.50am] GODDAMN YOURE EVEN STARTING TO SOUND LIKE HIM

[4.50am]  **...Sound like who, Brother?**

[4.51am] YOU KNOW WHO - GENERAL DIPSHIT!!!

[4.51am]  **Oh. Have you been talking to him at this inane time of night (morning), too?**

[4.51am] IRRELEVANT. YOU THINK I WANT TO FUCK THE GENERAL, DONT YOU

[4.52am]  **Perhaps I would phrase it more delicately but that is the general consensus, yes, Brother. I thought you knew that you liked him?**

[4.53am] I DONT like him, i don't eveN LIKE him ffs

[4.54am]  **Have words lost their meaning or has my IQ suddenly dropped by 100?**

[4.54am] YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN

[4.56am]  **Yes, I do, although both grammar and semantics are taking a huge blow today.**

[4.56am] so is my mental state. ROY? GENERAL BASTARD? REALLY?

[4.57am]  **'Roy', you just called him? Does that alone not prove my point?**

[4.58am] ALPHONSE SERIOUSLY

[4.58am]  **All right, all right, Brother! Calm down, please, I'm sorry. I hadn't thought this was stressing you out so badly - it is hard to know through text. Yes, your behaviour has led us to believe that you are attracted to the general; yes, we thought you were aware of said attraction; and, yes, we are all okay with it. Happy, even. There's a betting pool. I've got a lot of money on you making the first move... apparently, considering you are unaware of your feelings, I'm going to be down a pretty pocket.**

[5.01am] who the fuck is WE

[5.02am]  **Oh. er.**

[5.02am] AL

[5.03am] **Just, you know, Riza, Havoc, Fuery, Gracia, Breda, Falman, myself, Winry, Granny - Rebecca, too, actually - and that guy at the curry store! You know, the Cretan place that you and the General favour.**

[5.04am] that many?

[5.05am]  **Yes, Brother, and we all thought you knew. I now realise that maybe we've been a little... insensitive.**

[5.06am] why'd you lot think I fancy him?

[5.08am]  **Well, for starters, Brother, you never shut up about him. Your eyes are only on him in a room of one hundred, and you go out of your way to make life easier for him while somehow making it all the harder by being a complete brat towards him.**

[5.10am] I'm NOT a brat

[5.11am]  **Well, I didn't want to say a rude word. Just look at it objectively, Edward - you've been portraying typical signs of attraction in your behaviour towards him.**

[5.11am]  **I've even seen your eyes dilate when you look at him. And you make excuses to touch him, even if it means hitting him.**

[5.12am] thats not an excuse! he deserves to be smacked sometimes

[5.13am]  **Be that as it may, that does not excuse your other behaviour. Last month, you stayed up with him all night after he had an Ishval flashback in the office, burnt him breakfast the next morning, then spent that day helping him with paperwork so that he could relax a bit more**

[5.14am] that's just classic not-being-a-fucking-asshole behaviour

[5.16am]  **You attacked a paparazzi that slandered him by using your for-the-people persona and conducting an interview that showed your full support of the general, and then you hit him when he continued to publish disparaging articles**

[5.17am] they were fucking lying, what else was I supposed to do?

[5.18am]  **He mentioned he loved Xingese food and so whenever he's stressed you buy him his favourie dish even when you can't join him.**

[5.19am] I do that for you!!!

[5.20am]  **Brother, you bought him a ridiculously expensive bottle of whisky on the anniversary of Hughes' death so that he could "get drunk with style" and protected him from everyone - even /Hawkeye/ - that entire week because you didn't want him getting upset.** **  
**

[5.21am] stop it Al

[5.21am]  **You even let him help you with your automail when it started hurting, which you never let anyone do! You let him share your food. You laugh at all his jokes, even the crap ones, although you mock him with them for weeks afterwards. His number on your phone is saved as "Roy" which is ridiculous because even I'm saved as "LITTLE Brother", and everyone else has a nickname on there except for him, even though he is the only one you actually have a nickname for in real life.**

[5.23am] All right all right I fucking get it, I love the bastard blah blah blah

[5.23am] and bastard isn't a nickname

[5.24am]  **Well, I think the General sees it as a term of endearment, Brother. He always smiles when you say it.**

[5.25am] he does?

[5.25am]  **Brother, are you denser than osmium or what? The General is completely in love with you. How have you not noticed?**

[5.26am] i'm NOT DENSE

[5.26am] I think

[5.27am] FUCK al

[5.27am] i AM

[5.27am] I AM denser than osmium

[5.28am] I have to go

[5.28am]  **There you go, Brother. Go get your man.**

[5.28am]  **You've just won me a lot of money.**

* * *

[5.28am] I'm back Bastard

[5.30am]  _Just as I had fallen asleep too. Your timing is simply marvellous, Edward._

[5.31am] Don't be a dick

[5.32am] well actually, it doesn't matter if youre a dick, cause im pretty sure i'll love you either way

[5.35am]  _I'm sorry?_

[5.36am] _Edward? What was that?_

[5.37am] it was

[5.37am] well

[5.38am] fuck

[5.38am] okay maybe that wasn't the best way to come out with it but

[5.39am] I'm nervous okay!?

[5.39am] Al made me realise i've acted like a complete prick who doesn't know the difference between ramen and soba noodles, 'love' being soba and ramen being 'like', because soba are better than ramen

[5.40am] what I MEAN is that to me, you are a soba noodle, not ramen, and that i've only just noticed

[5.40am]  _Edward_ _  
_

[5.41am]  _You really are the most idiosyncratic person I've ever met._

[5.41am] what the fuck is THAT supposed to mean

[5.42am] I just told you that I love you and you call me idiosyncratic?

[5.42am] you ARE a bastard

[5.42am] i'm changing ur fucking name back to bastard, u don't deserve roy

[5.43am]  _Edward, it means that you are completely crazy and individual and it is the exact reason I love you too._

[5.44am]  _Although a love confession via a noodle analogy is not the most romantic confession I've ever been given, I have to admit it is my favourite._

[5.44am]  _To me, Edward, you are the most delicious soba noodle I have ever tasted._

[5.45am]  _May I take you on a date tonight?_

[5.46am] can I taste your noodle on this date?

[5.46am]  _You are positively making me swoon, my soba._

[5.47am] I just snorted chocolate milk.

[5.47am]  _I love you._

[5.48am] NO don't say it like that yet this is over text

[5.49am] we fucking suck at relationships if the first time we admit we love each other is over text

[5.49am] go to sleep, pretend this NEVER HAPPENED. i'll come to the office later and kiss you in front of everyone. but ur noodle is only mine.

[5.50am] Deal??

[5.51am]  _Deal. Although I'm not going to forget this. I think I'll start calling you 'Soba' from now on._ _  
_

[5.51am] You're a bastard

[5.51am] but youre mine so its okay

[5.51am] Go to sleep. i'll see you later.

[5.52am] _Goodnight, Edward. Thank you for your confession._

[5.52am] you don't have to thank me

[5.53am] it took me way too long to realise that loving you is the easiest thing i've ever fucking done

 


End file.
